


What’s Called Normal…!

by Cant_Avoid_Thoughts_Cant_Deny_Feelings



Category: Avengers Fandom, Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, Love, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 21:38:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16920867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cant_Avoid_Thoughts_Cant_Deny_Feelings/pseuds/Cant_Avoid_Thoughts_Cant_Deny_Feelings
Summary: In search for Normal life, Bucky takes a decision which makes me rather ‘unhappy’. A conversation with Clint & Sam makes him wonder ‘what truly is normal’?  and should he let go of happiness in search for ‘Normal’.





	What’s Called Normal…!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm Updating my ao3 finally. Due to Tumblr change in policy it's better to back up my work. I have way too many stories to be posted here, so stay tuned. 
> 
> A conversation with my bestie about how we are conditioned in life that, doing things like our parents did is normal and will make us happy. Or what is expected out of us is the right thing but maybe it isn’t. so this story is product of that conversation.
> 
> As always Thanks for reading.

“Happy Birthday” everyone around him screamed. God there were lot of people around.

He didn’t even know 1% of them, they were all strangers.

But here he was pretending to be Happy.

Pretending to be enjoying himself.

For Steve, his brother, his best friend, his everything.

For Shuri, his life savior.

For Natasha, his confidant & now a fellow comrade.

For King of Wakanda & his trusted team, who flew all the way to Avenger’s compound for his 101 birthday.

For rest of Avengers who, were making best of their efforts to work with each other as a team again.

For Tony, who forgave him offered him a place. Who along with Steve & Natasha threw this extravagant party.

For everyone around him. But  _himself_.

He had made full recovery; all charges were dropped against him. He was back in homeland. Although he didn’t feel at home, quite yet.

He was done fighting! All he did nowadays, was help team members train, read, laugh at meme’s sent by Shuri or Peter, roam around compound, take long rides around the city on Steve’s Harley and runs in the park.

He made his way to the bar. What was wrong with him? There was room full of people trying to make him happy. They were all here for him. It was  _his_  day.

Yet it didn’t feel right. He felt everything was forced. He didn’t want all the flashy models/ girls giggling around him. He didn’t want all this expensive show that was put up under name of his birthday.

It was never his style, he didn’t like opulence, extravagance. Sure back in the day he would do some sappy big gestures to impress a dame but it went as far as taking her dancing, expos or Coney Island.

But that man was long gone and here he was.

It was not him though, so he kept drinking whisky after whisky thinking no hoping it will get him high enough to find a pretty dame. Who will make him believe that he was happy.

All he had to do is find someone perfect and start living a  _Normal_  life.

Simple and easy…!

As he downed another peg of whisky a hand came on his shoulder.

“Enjoying your party?” Clint asked

“Yeah?” Bucky’s response came more like a question

Clint chuckled.

“Happy birthday by the way” Archer wished

“Yeah, thanks” Bucky replied

Bar tender filled their glasses as Sam joined the two.

“Happy birthday Barnes” Sam wished

“Thanks Wilson” Bucky said

As all three sipped their drinks silently, Sam said

“Some party, Steve & Nat went all in huh?”

Bucky just snorted.

“Hey where is Y/N?” Sam asked “I thought she will be here today, haven’t seen her in days”

Bucky winced at the mention of your name. He didn’t want to dampen his already sore mood.

“Uhh” Bucky stalled not knowing how to answer, before replying “Didn’t invite her”

“Ohh” Sam said

Both exchange looks and then stared at Bucky quizzically. He stared back hoping they wouldn’t pry information.

“This is the part you explain  _why_ ” Clint said

Sam smirked at him and raised eyebrows. Bucky sighed and hung his head.

_Bucky had met you on one of his runs. You were barking orders in your phone frantically, whoever was on other end of the call was doing great job in pissing you off._

_Finally frustrated you just gave up & disconnected the call._

_He let out a laugh when you did weird breathing exercises, to calm yourself down._

_You threw annoyed look at him when you saw him laughing at you._

_“You think this is funny?” you asked him_

_He was perplexed at your direct question, nobody usually spoke to him._

_“No Doll” he said “I’m sorry, bad day?”_

_You forgot your annoyance when you saw fine specimen in front of you who had gorgeous eyes that crinkled when he laughed._

_“You could say that, people don’t know how to follow simple instructions” you replied_

_He smiled understanding. It definitely were strange times. You both ended up going to same coffee shop and talking some more._

_He went to park the next day thinking you will be there, as he enjoyed talking to you previous day but you weren’t and he didn’t see you until next week when he was getting coffee._

_You explained that you had to fly out of country for the problem you were trying to solve on the phone. He nodded._

_Running into each other at park turned into breakfast date, then lunch date at café near your office and then eventually a formal wine & dine dinner date._

_Bucky found out that you had your successful business which you started when you were in college and now it was a multinational company. You invited him one day at your office for lunch when you couldn’t make it to lunch outside due to some emergency meetings, he understood that too well._

_He was frankly impressed by your business, accomplished women were all around him but seeing someone with totally different background was endearing._

_He liked spending time with you and you with him. Maybe it was going in the direction he wanted._

_Until one night he was lounging in your living room enjoying the night of what you called “Netflix & Chill” watching some cheesy romantic action movie. Where male protagonist saved the day by beating bad guys and female protagonist all but ran in arms and they lived happily ever after.  _

_You snorted and wondered how still today these things sold? How people still believed in this, when there was so much more to do with life. He was taken aback, but asked more questions about your future plans. He frankly he didn’t know why he asked; maybe he was hoping that the thing between the two of you were going somewhere serious. But more you answered more his heart sank._

_He couldn’t see himself fitting in the equation that your future was. So instead of handling it mature way by talking to you openly, he just shut down. He didn’t persuade the relationship further._

_You were used to guys running away from you once you spoke about future. Frankly you were not surprised that Bucky lasted as long as he did, he was from different world and generation to be honest._

_If guys your age & background didn’t get you, why would he? So you accepted his rejection didn’t persuade him much after your calls and messages went unanswered._

_You told yourself you had business to run & be kick-ass. You had to be tough, you couldn’t cry over a man._

_So what another one didn’t get you? Someone will in future & if you didn’t find anyone well you will be richest ‘crazy cat lady’ in the history._

Clint cleared his throat, bringing Bucky out of his memories.

He didn’t know how to let it out without sounding stupid or plain idiot.

“What she wanted to tie you down and you were not ready for it or something?” Clint teased

Bucky snorted, “It’s quite opposite actually” he answered

Both men just looked at him with plain expression not knowing what to make of his response.

“Just spit it out Barnes” Sam said finally

Bucky sighed “She doesn’t want kids”

“What?” both men asked “What do you mean?”

“Ugh, I mean she said she is happy where she is in her life” Bucky explained “She wants to concentrate on expanding her business, create job opportunities and do more charity work”

When both men didn’t interrupt he continued,

“She said she doesn’t necessarily want whole shin ding, she wants companionship and said that in future she might consider adopting but whole getting pregnant and having her own kids was too much hassle she didn’t need. Plus she feels that with her kind of lifestyle she can’t handle guilt of ignoring her own child for work.

So I panicked, I didn’t know how to process it. I mean it’s not like I wanted to get down on one knee and get her pregnant but, I wanted to have that possibility. Fuck, I don’t even know if I can have kids, but her saying she didn’t want them just made it go away permanently and I didn’t want that… so I ran away… and now here I am.”

Bucky rubbed his face harshly expecting some kind of retort or backlash but neither man gave it immediately.

They just sighed heavily.

“Fucking say something” Bucky said

“Well, what do you want us to say?” Clint asked

“Yeah, looks like you already made your bed & now you have to sleep in it” Sam added

Bucky just looked at them for some solution. He was not happy about what he did, not a single day went by where he didn’t think of you or rather think of calling you. But somehow he was not sure how to redeem himself. Hell he was not sure if you would ever see him or even respond to his call or message.

Seeing his torment, Clint intervened.

“It’s not wrong to want that life Bucky. We’re not saying you are fool to expect it for yourself. I get it believe me, and I’m also not going to tell you that she might change her thoughts about it in future. Because people usually don’t change their views on these things, I know that for sure. But what is the guaranty you will have that if you found someone and married them you will conceive children. There might be thousand things that can go wrong. What then? Are you going to leave them because they can’t conceive or carry a child? After you committed to them in sickness & in health?” Clint asked

Bucky just opened & closed his mouth, deep down he knew he acted without thinking.

Since, the day he made the decision it ate him from inside, he wanted to talk to someone but always felt his issues to be stupid in front of the catastrophes they faced.

“Listen man, no one knows what future holds, there are no guarantees that everything will be ok, you of all people should know it. I’m just saying that with the life that we all lead we should try and cease every moment.

We should live in present, take one day at a time. Don’t make decisions of rest of your life based on one informal conversation. Give it time, have that conversation when you are in the relationship for quite some time. Maybe then decide. But don’t deny yourself of happiness based on an informal chat.” Clint added seeing emotional turmoil of Bucky

Sam nodded in agreement. They both could see wheels turning in Bucky’s head; they knew he needed a final push so Sam added,

“Here take my car, you can maybe persuade her for late dinner or dessert or something” he handed over the keys.

Bucky just grabbed the keys and bolted towards the exit. Looking at the time he was sure you were still working. So he drove to your office building.

When he reached his destination Bucky’s nerves got to him, panic set over him. He was not sure what he was going to say to you or how to explain his actions but none the less he was excited to see you.

Bucky made his way to your office, god he didn’t expect so many people still working at this late in the evening. Also that meant audience, which he certainly wasn’t looking forward to incase things went south.

Couple of interns recognized him and guided him to your office. You were focused on your laptop that you didn’t even notice his presence until he cleared his throat.

You looked up from your screen not appreciating the interruption, your expression changed to surprise and then something between scowl and sorrow.

You just gestured him towards the chair in front of you, pointing at the phone on your desk alerting him that you were on call. He just nodded and sat in the chair in front of you.

Once the call ended you looked at Bucky expectantly. You didn’t know the reason he left or the reason why was here now.

“I know you are wondering why am I here & I will tell you everything” Bucky said

“But right now I just wanted to spend this evening with you”.

You looked at him curiously; you couldn’t understand his sudden appearance or what could be so special about this evening.

Before you could ask Bucky announced, “It’s my birthday today”

“Actually, first birthday after you know getting better, since after war & everything. Steve arranged a big party and I couldn’t enjoy it, I mean it was nice but I found it boring & I missed you” he added.

Your eyes widen at his declaration. Of all things he could say, this is not what you expected.

You recovered yourself quickly and went out of your office. Bucky’s face fell, not knowing what to make of your sudden disappearance.

As he was contemplating whether to follow you or wait for you to come back, he saw you come back with tray in hand.

You placed the tray with two mugs of coffee and plate with couple of doughnuts on your desk.

Bucky smiled at your gesture.

You bent to open your desk drawer and brought out jar of Nutella you kept there. Bucky’s smiled widen as he remembered you telling him that, you had a sweet tooth and liked eating out of the jar after lunch or dinner.

You coated couple of doughnuts with Nutella and held one in front of Bucky,

“This is the best I could do right now” you said “Happy Birthday Bucky”

Bucky took large bite of sugary treat, “Thank you doll” he smiled.

“I know we have lot to talk about but right now can we just enjoy this?” Bucky gestured towards the coffee and treats.

You hummed in agreement while stuffing your mouth with remainder of the doughnut in your hand.

Some of the Nutella smudged around your lips and Bucky smiled at you. Then suddenly, he stood up, in front of you, your eyebrows knitted together at his movement.

He raised his hand first to clean your lips but took it back, understanding what he was trying to do & his hesitation you raised your hand to clean your lips.

Bucky quickly caught your wrist to stop you, as he ducked his head, his gaze dropping to your lips & back at you as you just stared at him.

He pecked at your lips tentatively; you didn’t move at first but returned the kiss. Once sure he just deepened the kiss, licking your sweet lips.

Then he let go of you & said “Just an innocent happy birthday to me kiss, between friends”.

You pulled him for another kiss, as you snorted and said, 

_“There was nothing “friendly” about that kiss”._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Show me some love. Tell me if you’re enjoying my writing. is it any good or bad. Would love to hear from you. xoxo :)


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